Life don’t look like when we played outside & it’s hard to admit it, but we got played some times.
& I can’t deny that we all break some times,
but we keep holding on.
~ joshua luke smith // all my friends

There’s this bit in Judges where Gideon & his 300 hand-picked men are running full-throttle after the fugitive kings of Midian. It’s been at least several days, they’re out of food, and no one along the way is willing to house, feed, or offer them info as to the monarchs’ whereabouts.

& then they eventually find them, battle ensues, & the kings are on the run yet again.
How incredibly rude.
Like really.
They just didn’t have the decency to stay put & be captured, & after everything Gideon & Co. had been through too.

It’s like when Gandalf (oh you knew a LotR reference wasn’t going to be long in coming…) realizes the Balrog lies up ahead in the Mines of Moria after all the terrors he & the Fellowship have already witnessed & fought:
‘A Balrog,’ muttered Gandalf. ‘Now I understand.’ He faltered heavily and leaned on his staff. ‘What an evil fortune! And I am already weary.’
~ the fellowship of the ring // jrr tolkien

It’d be laughable if it wasn’t so serious and close to home.

I wonder if that’s how 2024 finds some of us: weary of fighting but called to continue on.

Gideon & Co. could’ve given up the chase. They could’ve let the kings of Midian escape, & perhaps no one would’ve blamed them. Starvation dogged their heels and the search appeared futile since no one knew exactly where Zebah & Zalmunna were. & in any case, they’d already killed the princes so what were 2 fugitive kings? They’d live to fight another day & so would Gideon & Co.

But here’s the rub: Yahweh had commanded Gideon to see the job through till the end & He’d promised that he would see it through till the end:
Then Yahweh turned to him & said, ‘Go in this might of yours, & you shall save Israel from the hand of Midianites. Have I not sent you?…Surely I will be with you, & you shall defeat the Midianites as one man.
~ Judges 6:14 & 16

Gideon would find the fugitive kings no matter the setbacks & the seemingly never-ending pursuit. & he’d do it ’cause Yahweh was with him.

While Gandalf had no such divine promise that he’d make it out of the Mines of Moria alive (in fact, he’d been told the opposite by Aragorn), he still faced down the Balrog despite his exhaustion & fear. He knew no one else had the strength & resources to do it. It was a foe beyond any of them to face; anyone except for him. If he didn’t find a way, no one else would. & so he took his place on the Bridge of Khazad-dum & defied the darkness even though it cost him his life (oops *spoiler*).

I’ve felt like Gandalf quite a few times in the past few months especially. I’ve been emotionally, mentally, & physically spent & then Something Else happens that requires my attention on all 3 fronts & I feel I have nothing left to give…”what an evil fortune! & I’m already weary”. I’ve actually whispered those words to myself, half in jest & half-serious ’cause it really does feel like that sometimes.

Like it’s just waves & waves crashing over your shore & before you’ve got time to catch your breath, another barrels your way & you’re kissing the sea-floor.

I’ve turned to the Lord with a groan & a sigh & begged for a respite, just a few days of breathing space ’cause the moments I get aren’t nearly enough & my sword-hand’s getting heavy & the sword’s a dead-weight I can’t lift.

& then, this past Sunday at church, we read this passage in Judges, & these words leapt out:
When Gideon came to the Jordan, he & the three hundred men who were with him crossed over, exhausted but still in pursuit.
~Judges 8:4

Exhausted, but still in pursuit.
Weary, yet pursuing.

I think I’d partially forgotten what Paul says in his letters; the Christian life is a race. & so, by default, that means I’ll get weary, you’ll get weary.
Weary of fighting sin,
weary of fighting ourselves,
weary of fighting through trials,
weary of carrying unfulfilled longings,
weary of running when it seems we’re not making any progress,
weary of swimming upstream against the current of this world.

The weariness is a given. It’s part of the package & nothing to be surprised at, despite how very real & hard it is. Like Gideon & Co., Christ calls us to continue on in pursuit of the Goal, no matter our exhaustion.

Swinging the sword is tiring work, but swing it we must. We’ll get respites, we’ll get times of refreshment in His Word & with His people & in His creation & enjoying His good gifts, but the War rages on & we’re still in pursuit; doing the down-&-dirty work of the mundane which is the main event.

So if 2024 finds you reeling after yet another wave, take courage. Yahweh promised to be with Gideon & He promises to be with us as well. With His supernatural power coursing through our spiritual veins, we will find strength equal to the day’s demands. As our days, so too will be our strength.

We’ll finish out another 24 hours wondering how we did it & then remembering that it was never up to us anyway. We are not now, nor have we ever been, alone.

We will reach The End one day,
we’ll finish the mission,
we’ll gain the crown,
we’ll see our Saviour,
& we’ll rest for all Eternity.

There is a Light at the end of this tunnel, & the good news is it’s not a Balrog 🖤

death to the Shadow
courage,
always courage.
behold,
we have not lived in vain

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, Yahweh,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
& to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint & be weary, & the young men shall utterly fall.

But those who wait on Yahweh shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run & not be weary,
They shall walk & not faint.
~ Isaiah 40:28-31