wrong will be right when Aslan comes in sight,
at the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more;
when he bares his teeth, Winter meets its death;
& when he shakes his mane,
we shall have Spring again
~ CS Lewis ~

I’m not really ready for Spring. It’s odd but I feel betrayed by Winter. Usually, where I live, we get quite a bit of snow each Winter but this year, we hardly got any. It mostly all fell this month & altogether, it was a total of about 6-ish inches. A corner of my heart crinkled in sadness.

I realize snow isn’t fun to drive in & it can be frustrating when you’re struggling to get out the door in the morning for work & you’ve got to stop & shovel yourself out. I suppose it’s only really enjoyable if you’re home, watching it come down all cozied up with a hot drink & some blankets.

This year, I happen to be in a stage of life where I can watch it come down at home all cozied up with a hot drink & some blankets. Hence my feelings of betrayal when week after week went by without so much as a flake descending from the heavens.

Richard Adams wrote in Watership Down (a fantastic novel, by the way) that “many human beings say that they enjoy the winter, but what they really enjoy is feeling proof against it.” He’s not wrong. I’ve been thinking about it more & more over the past year or so & I think I don’t actually enjoy Winter, I enjoy the fact that I’m safe from it.

I don’t enjoy numbed fingers, I enjoy the coffee & sweaters & hygge which I know I can come back inside to. & even though I do enjoy stepping out at night & feeling the sharp, cold air blow itself into my lungs & around my face (it makes me feel Alive), I wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much if I had no safe haven to return to.

I can love Winter only ’cause I have the luxury to do so. I’m blessed by the Most High to have a house & warm clothes that insulate me against Winter’s sting. Remove that armour & Winter’s a dangerous enemy, one I wouldn’t survive. Unlike Autumn, where every bit is pure bliss, Winter’s got a dark side that has us armouring up against it.

& yeah, I kinda like that.

It’s fierce & relentless & it’s not playing around so it’s like shelter to sit wrapped in a sweater & blanket, hands cupped around a good coffee, & to watch Winter rage. My favourite Grad school professor & I chatted about this once & he said Winter/hyyge-esque things are appealing ’cause they stem from the security of being safe in the midst of the storm.

Anywayy, I feel that Winter has betrayed me so I’ve been a bit peevish inside as the days grow longer, the birds begin chirping me awake in the mornings, & the chance of more snow fades into a wishful dream.

Among other things, Spring’s arrival means increased busyness & whirlwind activities as humanity awakens from its collective slumber during the cold months, stretches hard, gives a great big yawn, & looks about with eyes of anticipation.

& I’m not ready.

While it’ll still be cold enough to bask in sweaters & blankets & hot coffee for a bit longer, Spring soon gives way to Summer. & in the blink of an eye, my least-favourite Season crashes in to stay for a few months.

& so I’m back in a terribly familiar place. Wrestling with my dislike of Summer & mortifying my sin of complaining. All praise to the King, Christ convicted me through His Spirit of my awful attitude about Summer a few years ago & I’m now able to see the rampant Beauty of green & gold late evening sunlight & how everything is just so Alive & bursting in Summer.

But Summer & I will perhaps always have a shaky relationship (the heat drains me emotionally & physically rather fast & seeing everyone forget what clothing is makes my heart ache). Spring reminds me that Summer is on the horizon.

So I’m fighting grumpiness & bitterness a lil harder these days but there’s Hope here still & for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful Christ is a forgiving, patient Saviour. I’m grateful I can come to Him in repentance for these pesky sins of bitterness & murmuring. I’m grateful that He’s painted each Season in Beauty; not just the ones I adore (AUTUMNN & Winter).

Aslan is indeed on the move whether I want him to be or not. Spring is here whether I want it to be or not. Christ is just as Real & True & Good in Spring as He is in Winter & it’s time for me to re-learn that lesson yet again.

Life in an eternal Winter would be a curse. Hence why the Narnians languished in the White Witch’s 100-years of Winter. & why they needed Aslan to be on the move. They needed Spring to come round once again. They needed Hope.

Ah, yes, the Most High did indeed know what He was doing when He created the 4 Seasons. He gave us variation on a schedule. A rotation of certainty. A paradox, really. Things change in organized rhythm & that’s the way He wants it so that’s what I must embrace.

I don’t want to be a bitter Edmund, ripe for a Turkish-Delight-induced betrayal (though, having had Turkish Delight, I’m really not at all sure what he was thinking…it’s for sure not good enough to betray one’s siblings over…then again, Edmund was more than ready to go over to the dark side & he clearly didn’t need much incentive)

So here’s to the Season when the trees attack many of us as they come to life,
to the Season of pollen, stuffy noses, watery eyes, customary sickness,
but cheers also to the Season of Hope,
of light after darkness,
of one giant exhale & awakening.

Springtide. Whether I’m ready or not 🖤

blossoms dress the trees,
Spring without permission rages on again
~ “Juggernaut” by John Mark McMillan

the lion, the witch, & the wardrobe •
one day I’ll write about just how deeply this movie is tangled in me & my childhood 🖤

death to the Shadow
courage,
always courage
behold,
we have not lived in vain